Would you describe yourself as an all-or-nothing person? If so, you’re a perfectionist. Perfectionists can’t stand to be second best and fear making mistakes. They are also hard task-masters. They drive themselves and others toward greater levels of perfectionism than situations warrant. Life as a perfectionist is tough. If you can learn to relax and accept imperfection, though, it will be more enjoyable.
Characteristics of a perfectionist
You’ll know you’re a perfectionist if you rarely relax. You can’t let go because every task is a challenge; you want to get even the smallest one right. When you see others make mistakes, you flinch. Noticing imperfection brings up your insecurity, and you push people to try harder. Sometimes, they find your desire for them to be impeccable as a sign you don’t accept them. Consequently, your relationships become strained.
As a perfectionist, you are highly critical of yourself and those closest to you. You see lots of problems because you’ve trained your mind to seek them. You imagine imperfection is everywhere, and you have an urge to put matters straight.
People might see your perfectionism as a sign you are hard-hearted or arrogant, but they are wrong. You are scared of making mistakes and being judged harshly. You strive for perfection because you don’t accept yourself. Until you decide it’s okay to slip-up and stop needing to be right, life will be difficult for you.
How to relax
First, realize why you’re a perfectionist. Most perfectionists develop the need for accuracy when they are children. Critical parents and those who give little feedback produce kids who strive to be perfect. Judgmental parents make their children afraid of getting things wrong. Also, parents who don’t praise their children’s efforts leave them floundering; they don’t know when their achievements are good enough.
You can’t change your upbringing, but you can realize your obsession with perfectionism was created by your environment. Your need to be correct isn’t genetic and can be altered. The way you think compels you to strive for accuracy, so change your thoughts and you will be able to relax more.
The first step is to let yourself off the hook. Instead of expecting to be amazing at everything, entertain the idea that making small improvements is good enough. As long as you’re going in the right direction, you are getting ahead. Make shifting toward goals more important than achieving perfection.
Next, give others a break. Understand pushing people too hard can stop progress; they might give up because they can’t please you. Notice your relationships are sometimes strained because you criticize a lot, and hold back. Allow others to make mistakes, knowing when they do it’s not the end of the world.
Likewise, if you make a blunder, decide everything’s okay. Give yourself an encouraging pep-talk. Remember, mistakes aren’t usually fatal. Indeed, successful people make numerous errors on the way to achieving goals. They learn from mistakes and grow. Treat blunders as stepping stones toward improvement.
Being a perfectionist is not fun, but learning to let go and develop a relaxed attitude will bring relief. Doing so will also improve your relationships by reducing strain. Let yourself, and others, off the hook. Decide failure is a necessary part of moving toward success. Also, aim to take steps forward rather than expecting to be perfect. As a result, you’ll be less anxious and happier.
For a more in-depth analysis of Perfectionism and how to overcome it, I suggest you read “How to Be an Imperfectionist: The New Way to Self-Acceptance, Fearless Living, and Freedom from Perfectionism“, a book by Stephen Guise. It’s one of the best books on the subject that I’ve read so far.
